Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:
My cat is terrified of everyone but myself and my boyfriend, with whom she lives. If anyone else comes into our apartment, she runs and hides. She growls at delivery men and the neighbors. I am not afraid of her being violent, but I just don’t want her to live a life of fear. I’ve had her since she was 8 weeks old. I got her spayed and after she came back from the place, she was like this. I can’t say that they did anything wrong: they seemed very nice and the surgery went well. But my cat is now a different cat. She loves her Daddy and me very much, and she’s always happy when it’s just us. I always give her treats when new people enter the home, so she thinks new people = treats = positive experience. I give her space and tell her everything is okay. I tell guests not to bother her and let them come to her. Is there anything else I can do to help her?
~ NotNicky
Siouxsie: It’s not all that unusual for a cat to come back from a spay surgery with some amount of trauma. Our beloved Dahlia was never quite the same with the vet after her experience.
Thomas: But it sounds like your kitty took it really hard, and now whatever trauma she experienced at the vet’s office has turned into a generalized fear of all people besides you and your boyfriend.
Bella: You’ve definitely got the right idea — helping her to associate visitors with good things like treats.
Siouxsie: We’ve got some more ideas that might be helpful, too. You’re going to have to undertake a multi-part plan to help your baby get her confidence back and reduce her fear of strangers.
Thomas: The first thing we’d recommend is that you call your vet and see if they remember anything that particularly freaked her out while she was there for her spay. If you can identify the trigger for her fear, you’ll have more tools to help her overcome it.
Bella: If you haven’t done so already, get some Feliway plug-ins and install them in the public areas of your home. Feliway is a synthetic “happy cat” pheromone that is very helpful in reducing stress.
Siouxsie: Then look around your home, especially in those public areas. Does your cat have a way to get up to an elevated area? For example, do you have a tall cat tree or wall shelves? If not, we’d recommend that you give her some observation areas and “escape routes.”
Thomas: You don’t have to buy ordinary cat furniture or spring huge amounts of money for cool-looking designer items. If you or your boyfriend has any handy-person skills, you can do some awesome IKEA hacks like the one pictured at the left, or go to your local home supply store and buy shelves, screws and brackets and build your own.
Bella: Watch some episodes of Jackson Galaxy’s show My Cat From Hell to see some simple ways you can “catify” your home and give your baby lots of room to go where she wants to go.
Siouxsie: If you live in the US, you can watch episodes on Animal Planet’s website.
Thomas: You might have to teach her that those high places are for her — by leading her step by step up the cat tree with her favorite treats, for example.
Bella: Playing with your kitty is a huge confidence booster. Use interactive toys like feather danglers or other “things on a string” and get her hunting, catching and killing the toy in the center of the room.
Siouxsie: For some tips about best play practices, check out this article Mama wrote for Catster.
Thomas: Once you get your kitty used to playing, your guests can join the fun and give your baby even more positive reinforcement about strangers.
Bella: We’ve seen really good results with using certain holistic remedies to help ease feline fear. For example, one woman has transformed almost-feral cats into adoptable kitties using a flower essence called Bach Rescue Remedy.
Siouxsie: Other flower essence companies such as Spirit Essences produce remedies that are specifically for fearful cats (Kissy got Safe Space for Cats essence to help her with her fearfulness and trauma-based aggression).
Thomas: We should point out that flower essences are not the same thing as essential oils! Essential oils are created from the elements that give plants their distinctive smells, whereas flower essences are created by steeping flowers and plants in high-grade alcohol.
Bella: You have to be very careful using essential oils on cats because some contain ingredients that are toxic to kitties. Although you might be concerned about using alcohol on cats, the amount of the remedy you administer is so small and so highly diluted, when used properly, that there is very little danger of toxicity.
Siouxsie: Also, make sure not to accidentally reinforce her fearful behavior by giving her treats after she’s had her fear reaction. It’s natural for people to want to say, “It’s okay, it’s all right” and give a treat when the cat is scared — but if you do that, you’re telling her that she gets goodies if she gets scared.
Thomas: It’s going to take a while for your cat to get her confidence back, so don’t despair if it doesn’t happen right away.
Bella: Good luck, NotNicky! Please let us know how things turned out.
JaneA Kelley is a punk rock cat mom and award-winning blogger. She is a regular columnist for Catster Magazine, and she and the Paws and Effect Gang share a home in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.
I just want to add a word of encouragement and agreement with the idea that cats can change their behavior, and that fearful cats can learn to trust humans. Although it might take some time and patience.
I adopted a young adult cat who was terrified of everyone except for me and my boyfriend. We never knew what made her so scared, but from observing her it was obvious that she had been a stray for a long time (although she had clearly lived with people at some point in her life because she knew the sound of a can opener). This cat was relaxed, calm and loving around us but if someone so much as walked past our front door outside, *zoom* she would disappear in a flash and would go hide in the closet or under the bedcovers all flattened out. We had friends who visited frequently, even spending the night, and never once saw our cat.
Now, years later, our cat has learned to trust strangers, at least enough to let them see her. She will actually come into the living room to meet people when they come over. We never thought we would see her doing this! It did take some time, but I think your cat may be able to get over her fears a little quicker because she doesn’t have the experience of spending the first year of her life as a stray the way ours did.
One thing that I think has helped has been that we have made it very clear to our cat that we will always protect her. At times when other cats or dogs have been around, we have always stepped in to protect our cat and she knows she can count on us. She is so secure in this knowledge that I can literally step between her and another cat and stomp my feet, clap my hands and yell, and my cat will not flinch or move – she knows that it’s all directed at the other cat, not her.
Best of luck with your kitty! I’m sure she’s going to be just fine.
We have a precious orange female tabby cat that my husband & I adopted over 2/yrs. ago! “Twyla” was in ‘foster-care” because one of her ‘people’ died & the remaining spouse could no longer care for her! Twyla had never had her feet on the ground, nor was she placed with other cats that were available for adoption! Twyla has become the center of our universe! About 8/months ago a pore’ little ‘stray’
Black cat came to our home! The poor little thing had apparently been dragged under a car {or something} & I treated his wounds & Pepe’ became a ‘member’ of our family! Twyla & Pepe’ seemed to adore each other until the following traumatic episode happened:
>My husband accidentally caught one of Twyla’s back paws in the storm door! When released from the door, Twyla ran away so fast
as if her life depended on it! My husband kept yelling for Twyla to come back to him!
>I’m a retired nurse & not qualified to diagnose for patients and/or little injured animals but>>>>it is my feeling that Pepe’ thought that my husband wanted him to chase Twyla down & make her return to my husband! He chased Twyla, down alright,
@ a big fight occurred! Twyla tried to sorta’ make-up with Pepe but when she ran to jump up on wall behind our house, Pepe’ again
chased Twyla & beat up on her! She has every right to be terrified of him & I’m @ my wits end about what to do about the problem!
Please, don’t ask me to take Pepe’ to an Animal Shelter, because he is Not a Young Cat & we know what happens to kitties that
no one will adopt! Pepe’ is the sweetest little “mama’s’ boy & the love we share is mutual! I love Pepe”!
Cont: Our darling, little “girly-girl” {Twyla} whole personality has changed! She no longer sleeps on my
husband’s chest & no longer shows much affection for Him or me! Twyla has her own private room with an
adult-size twin-bed but she no longer goes to her room, not even for naps! She “hides-out” in the linen
closet, either on the clothes dryer and/or beside the clothes dryer! The only times comes out from “hiding”
is to “gently” put her paws on Me {her Momma} to let me know that wants food, especially ‘treats”! What to do?
Another great technique to learn is Tellington-Touch. Google it. It was started Linda Tellington-Jones with zoo animals. There are practioners all around the country. I’ve learned a few techniques from one where I live.
I just rescued another unneutered male who is living outside in one of my cat kennels. I know he’s previously had a home, but I feel he’s been on his own for over a year and is fearful of humans. I bought a peacock feather and have been stroking him with that and gave him a Ratherbee Catnip Cigar (my fav!) and some loose catnip, he loved that. Using a peacock feather is non threatening, and helps relax an animal. That’s a TTouch technique.
Alley cats are spooked by strangers or visitors to my house, but some will eventually come out and inspect them 1/2-hr or more. Sometimes it just takes time, months or a few years. Be patient!
i’m one of the guilty ones who says things like “its ok don’t be scared” etc to the twins -they’ll be 1 on friday :D – i dont give them sweeties at that time, but sometimes try to play with them to distract them… is that also reinforcing scared behaviour? -i do play with them a lot throughout the day too , not just if they get freaked out… (my older cat just looks at them (or the direction they ran off in) with this look on his face as if he’s saying “babies!!” lol)
then again… i had a few friends over a couple weeks ago and Sophie -who used to be the timid one- peeped her head round the door so i got the ‘red dot maker’ and she was soon dashing through peoples legs, now if anyone comes round (inc. the phone engineer the other day) gets to have strokes with her -after about a minute of observation naturally lol-
Im still working on her twin brother Alex…
Good Luck :D
Jen
I got a kitten from the SPCA – she was a pure black moggy, very friendly, very alert. I bought her home and we got on really well, however, she was totally petrified of anyone who came to see me. The moment the doorbell sounded she was gone, out the cat door. I can say, only friends and family, saw her behind as she disappeared out the cat door. I tried everything, but could not socialise her, except to me and my other cat. The vet did tell me, which was backed up by research on the internet, that black female cats were a bit like this. I also had her brother for a short while and he was the exact opposite. I wish I had answers that would help, but I dont. It wasnt the only time I had problems socialising cats and for some reason it was the totally black females. The vet couldnt even answer my question.
I like what the most esteemed Kitties have to say and wish I had read this so long ago, before it became an issue. I do believe the younger the kitten is, the better it is to socialise. I hope you have a positive outcome, following what these amazing kitties say.
I got a near-feral cat as a little kitten. He had been found in a dumpster with ferals and was the only one even close to being an indoor cat. Lately I have had some similar issues with him. He seems terrified of everyone except me or 1 of my 2 roommates. I have been trying the safe space remedy but haven’t gotten good results. I will try the other one you mention here. Thanks!
I have two cats also that are terrified of strangers. I use Feliway around the house. When someone knocks at the door they both go flying upstairs and hide under my bed. We are planning a family vacation this summer and I don’t know how I am going to have someone in to feed them. They both eat raw cat food, so it cannot be left out too long. I am stressing over this, maybe I should use some Bach Rescue Remedy. Any suggestions?