Six days ago I returned home with a new feline housemate, and I promised to document the process of introducing Chrysanthemum — a.k.a. Chrysanthemum Kiss-Kiss Bobette Jellylorum Kelley — into my family.
Because I knew Kiss-Kiss would be stressed from the five-hour road trip and finding herself in a new environment, I knew it was important to take it slowly. I really wanted this introduction to go right because I really, really want her to get along with my other cats and find her forever home with me.

Day 2: Notice Chrysanthemum's body language -- crouched, vigilant, tail low. That means she's still stressed and not ready for any new stimuli.
The first thing I did was to give her a room of her own where she could decompress and get accustomed to the new smells and sights. I parked her in my office (after I moved my computer out into the living room) and gave her a makeshift bed of a pillow and some towels in a cardboard box. I also installed my Catty Stacks in there because Siouxsie and Thomas hadn’t claimed them yet and they’d give her a place to hide and a place to look out the window. She also got her own litterbox and food and water dishes.
For the first couple of days Chrysanthemum was very tense. When I went in to feed her and give her some attention, she was hiding behind a desk and cautiously worked her way out to allow me to pet her. When she did come out to sniff around and rub her face on things to mark her territory, she was very careful to walk around the edges of the room — another sign of a cat that needs a confidence boost. She also didn’t eat much. Those are signs of stress, so the most important thing was to find a way to minimize that stress.
But as you can see in this video, which I took on Wednesday, she came right out of her shell every time I walked into the room.
(In a reader? Watch the video on YouTube.)
I discovered, sort of by accident, that the primary reason she wasn’t eating much was that she didn’t like where I’d placed her bowl. Maybe she felt too vulnerable to relax enough to eat, I don’t know. But when I moved that bowl so her head was facing the door when she ate and she had a clear view all around her, her appetite picked right up.
On the third day, she was inside one of the Catty Stacks, so I knew she was getting less fearful. She was still on guard, but she wasn’t hiding where nobody could see her.
Day 3, Wednesday, I heard a wonderful sound: pitter-pattering footsteps and hops and jumps. She was playing with the mouse toy that Robin had left in her carrier. When a cat starts playing, that’s a very good sign. That evening, I opened the door a crack so that Thomas and Chrysanthemum could have a very brief introduction. Noses poked at the door and both parties did some hissing.

Today: Notice the difference in Chrysanthemum's body language from Day 2. She's walking tall with her tail up, in the center of the room.
Later on, I made a point of reassuring Thomas that Chrysanthemum was not here to replace Dahlia. Nobody could replace Dahlia, I told him, and I still miss her terribly as I’m sure he does, too. “Dahlia will always have a place in my heart, and I know she’ll always have a place in yours,” I said, “and the wonderful thing about cat-loving humans is that there’s infinite room in our hearts, and when we bring a new family member home, our heart expands to fit the love of the new cat in with all the others.”
That may sound silly to some of you, but the next day when I let them see each other again, Thomas was very polite. I petted them both as they met each other, which I hoped would begin to create a positive association. Although Thomas’s tail was lashing a little bit, he didn’t make a sound. Chrysanthemum got a foot or so away from the door and hissed and ran off, but then she came back around and explored again. When she hissed, I stopped petting her — I didn’t want to reinforce that behavior — and continued to reassure each of them that it’s OK and they’re safe.
Last night, I got a little bit bolder and left the door open enough that Thomas could get his head and shoulders into the room. He was much more mellow; there was a lot less tail lashing. And as for Kiss-Kiss, she was relaxed enough that she actually rolled over on her back and let me pet her while Thomas was head-and-shoulders in the room. Of course, there was some growling and hissing, and again, I reinforced the good behavior — when both of them were purring and acting relaxed — and stopped petting when I heard aggressive noises.

This morning: The door is wide open and Thomas and Chrysanthemum look at each other. Thomas is sitting calmly while Kiss-Kiss looks out, curious.
Each day the open-door duration has gotten longer. Last night I went in later in the evening and left the door open and didn’t stand by it to guard against the cats going in and out. Thomas came inside and explored around her room while Chrysanthemum sat on top of the Catty Stacks, ever watchful. When he got too close, she made a low growl and I said, “It’s okay, you’re safe.” After about 15 minutes, I closed the door with Thomas outside. Chrysanthemum immediately went around the room and sniffed everything Thomas had touched.

And ... Chrysanthemum sets foot across the threshold for the first time since she's been here. Don't be fooled: there were fat tails and growls and hisses shortly after I took this photo, so I shut the door again and let them chill out.
Which leads up to today. Twenty minutes of wide-open-door time with Thomas and Chrysanthemum doing the kitty intro dance. Chrysanthemum set her foot outside the door of her room for the first time! Of course, that led to fat tails and growls from both parties, so I closed the door and let them cool off.
So … Chrysanthemum and Thomas are making good progress in their introductions. I am a little concerned about Siouxsie, though: she’s shown no interest in getting anywhere near her, although the two ladies have met — with mutual growls and running in opposite directions. Whether this means Siouxsie’s cooler because at age 16 she’s seen it all, or whether it means something else, is still up in the air.
As cat behaviorist and America’s favorite cat daddy, Jackson Galaxy, said to me in a recent interview, there is no Grand Unifying Theory about cat introductions and cat behavior. Every cat is an individual, and while there are certain steps to take in order to make a proper introduction, the timing of those steps is all about the cats themselves. Watch their body language very carefully and be sure to positively reinforce the behavior you want. Cats do growl and hiss at each other; that’s a normal part of introductions. But don’t let the conflict escalate to the point where either party is traumatized, or else you’ll have to go back to step 1 and re-introduce them.
I think I held my breath the entire time I was reading this post! Obviously I have more than a vested interest in this going well since I was Kiss-Kiss’s rescuer. I’m very glad you’re going slowly. Kiss-Kiss was never a lover of my cats here, but for the most part she worked it out with them. You have the luxury and wisdom to give it time and I hope there will be a great reward one day. Please give her a kiss from me! I certainly do miss her goofy antics!
Such a wonderful post… I am happy for kitties and mamas, both! KK looks SO much like my Tigger Digger… he has the swirls and circles on his body, and stripes on his legs at tail. She is so pretty, and looks SO healthy! Headbumps to everyone!
Great step-by-step intro advice! Love following the progress…and what a lovely kitty girl. Congrats to you both (and the other cats).
Sounds like you’re dong well. I have been going through a similar process with a new mom and baby I’ve adopted. It’s very stressful to see them not get along with the less mellow of my two older male cats. The new cats are very playful and have been nonreactive since the beginning. Though it’s gotten a very little bit better since the initial intro I’m hoping it will improve more when I get mom and baby fixed in a couple of weeks. My growlie gray seems to be bothered by their smell, especially the female. He’s never lived with a female cat, let alone an intact one that has been in heat off and on for the last few weeks. Our paws are crossed for you. It’s hard to think about rehoming once you’ve bonded with your new cat(s).
You are doing an awesome introduction job! And how cool that you are documenting it. I am sure everyone will settle in with time.
Good job on the intros! It’s true that each one goes differently, depending on the purr-sonalities of the kitties.
What a wonderful post. Your patience, and your gentle energy, will make this work, I just know it. The photo of you with Kiss-Kiss is wonderful!
Great job with the intros – sounds like Thomas and KK are coming along nicely. Siouxsie will meet KK in her own time.
=D Good job, guys!
I actually have a question about the Catty Stacks: seeing them in action, what kind of life expectancy are you expecting out of them?
We’ve only had them for a few weeks, and so far they’re holding up just fine. They’re made of very thick industrial cardboard. The only issue we’ve had is that sometimes the die cuts on the corners of the stacks aren’t exact, which makes it difficult to attach them to one another. Nonetheless, Kissy loves them and spends a lot of time hanging out on a fleece blanket inside them.
Kiss-Kiss has beautiful markings, as I’m sure she knows! This is absolutely riveting to read, all kidding aside I’m following it closely as I’m considering adding an older cat to my gang of four (gulp!). Thanx for documenting it.
Kiss-Kiss is beautiful! Glad things seems to be going well. I know that Dahlia can never be replaced, but so glad you’re able to open your heart and your home to another furkid.
The Catty Stacks look really cool — will have to check them out. As Charley loves cardboard boxes, I’m sure he’d love these.