I don’t even know what to say right now. My grief is so big and raw I don’t even think I can fully comprehend the scope of it.
My beloved friend, furry familiar and Top Cat and Queen Of All Western Cats, Siouxsie Mew, earned her wings today with the help of a very compassionate and kind veterinarian. She was just a week shy of celebrating her 19th birthday.
I promised Siouxsie a long time ago that if she wanted help to leave her body, I would honor her wish. A couple of days ago, in the wee hours of the morning, she told me in no uncertain terms that it was time. And today, I kept my promise.
Siouxsie and her sister Sinéad adopted me in June of 1996. They were only six weeks old at the time, but they knew what they wanted. Back then I didn’t know that cats should be at least 8 weeks old before they leave their mama, but by the time I realized they could have used a couple more weeks of weaning, they’d already stolen my heart. So I bought kitten milk replacer and fed them “kibble cereal” so they could get the nutrition they needed.
Siouxsie outlived Sinéad and two other feline housemates, Dahlia and Kissy, and became one of the most well-traveled cats I’ve met when she, Thomas and Bella made the cross-country drive with me from Maine to our new home in the Pacific Northwest.
She enjoyed robust good health until about a year and a half ago, when her senior blood panel revealed hyperthyroidism and some degree of kidney disease. The arthritis that had been a minor annoyance for her became much more severe, and she developed a couple of severe urinary tract infections.
She was a brave and strong cat, and she soldiered on. I did my best to manage her pain and treat her illnesses, and I thought things were going pretty well until just last week, when she developed such an epic urinary infection that she was losing control of her bladder. Although antibiotics got the infection taken care of, Siouxsie decided she’d had enough. One night as I was half asleep and all my “left brain” filters were down, she looked up at me and I heard, “Mama, I’m tired. I’ve had enough.”
I picked her up and hugged her and said, “I hear you, I honor you, and I’ll respect your wishes. Just one thing — could you help me make sure I heard you correctly — come to me in a dream or something like that?”
Well, bless that amazing cat. She didn’t come to me in a dream, but as I lay awake in bed with her snuggled between my left arm and my body, wondering if I’d ever fall asleep, I rolled over and she peed all over me.
That was about the most concrete sign my logical mind needed.
I’m grateful to work in a place where everybody knows how important our animal companions are to us. After I called the vet during my break to make the euthanasia appointment, several of my friends noticed that I looked sad. When my friend Carmen asked how I was doing, I broke down in tears. I got so many hugs that day. My friends cried with me. My supervisor was incredibly compassionate and kind when I apologized for not being on the ball. Everyone there has been through it.
The end of this amazing and magical 18-year friendship is about the saddest damn thing I’ve ever experienced. The fact that I knew it was coming didn’t make it any easier.
Everyone at the clinic, from the receptionist to the techs and assistants and the vets, was amazing. I felt so loved and supported. Doctor E, who performed this final mercy for my beloved friend, explained what was going to happen — first the sedative, which would make her very relaxed, alive but anesthetized, followed a few minutes later with an overdose of a barbiturate anesthetic, which would stop her heart peacefully and quickly.
He hugged me as I cried and thanked him for walking through the last couple of months of Siouxsie’s journey with me.
My friend Carmen drove me to the vet’s office today. She sat with me as I reminisced. She took the photos of Siouxsie and me that you see in this post. She held me as I wept after the final injection. She listened as I told her the amazing things Siouxsie had done for me, not the least of which was saving my life by giving me a reason to live when I couldn’t find any others. She took me out for coffee and ice cream and a walk in Sunset Park.
When I got home, I picked up Siouxsie’s dish and hung her collar in a place of honor with Dahlia’s and Kissy’s.
I still can’t quite believe she’s gone. My heart aches and my head hurts.
I know you all have come to know and love Siouxsie over the 12 years we’ve been writing this blog together, and I know we’re all going to miss her so much. Paws and Effect will, of course, continue on with Thomas and Bella at the helm (and of course, me as their devoted secretary and slave).
If you want to do something concrete to honor Siouxsie and you have the resources to do so, please make a donation to your local shelter or your veterinarian’s compassionate assistance fund (if they have one). Advocate for black cats and work to overcome the ridiculous prejudices against them. Encourage people to adopt adult and senior cats. Spread kindness and compassion — the world needs as much of that as it can get!
Blessings and love to you as one journey ends and a new one begins. There’s a new star in the heavens tonight, and her name is Siouxsie Mew.
Farewell, Siouxsie. I leave you with this mantra from the Buddhist Heart Sutra: Gaté, gaté, paragate, parasamgate — Bodhi soha! (Gone, gone, gone beyond, gone far beyond — O, what beautiful enlightenment!)
JaneA Kelley is a punk rock cat mom and award-winning blogger. She is a regular columnist for Catster Magazine, and she and the Paws and Effect Gang share a home in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.
I am so sorry for your loss … I know how much my Blinky means to me and I’ve only had her for less than a year. Souxsie is the reason I got a black cat and we’ll continue to encourage others to do the same just as you have. You are an inspiration. Many hugs
I am so very sorry about your loss of your sweet Siouxsie. Life has changed in a very powerful way. But our loved ones never truly leaves us. They live on in the kindness they showed,the comfort they shared,&the love they brought into our lives Many healing prayers for you. Be very gentle with yourself. (hugs)
If it helps at all, I’ll actually say a prayer tonight, and ask the cats of my family who have gone to the Bridge -Cally, Tumbleweeds, Spooky and Dipstick- to be with Siouxie until she gets used to life there.
(hugs) Thank you for sharing so much of Siouxie’s life with us. She was a magnificent cat, and she will be missed.
Blessings on your journey, still together though physically apart. Seven house panthers send healing purrs to you, and even more meet her as her spirit travels.
It is never easy even we know we are honoring the wishes of our loved one. Our thoughts to you–
Oh all of the cats of the Shawnee Om Shanti Cat Sanctuaryand I join you in mourning the loss of Siouxsie. As the human here, I know all too well the grief – we lost several star personalities at the sanctuary last year – Maceo, Fuji (FuFu), and our beloved Manny Moe, who was 18 years old. But it was the loss of my little Squeaky Fromm at the not-so-tender age of 18 and 1/2 years old that hit me the hardest. Squeaky was my daughter’s first rescue and she was turned over to me as a tiny kitten. Squeaky slept on top of my head for many years and always supervised any household activity – especially cooking. Squeaky was clearly the Queen of all she surveyed. She loved to lay out in the sun as much as I did. She departed for the heavens last July and I still look for her everywhere. Until that joyous day when we are ALL reunited once more – Blessed Be!
We are so very very sorry and send you love and purrs. And a special kiss to you momma from our house panther Mozart.
Thank you for being brave when the time came and for taking such good care of Siouxsie all her life. Though you may feel like you’ve lost a limb, through all your stories Siouxsie will never truly be gone. She will live on in the friends who loved her and in all the kitties she’s helped have a better life because they read Paws & Effect. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Know that we’re all here for you if you need anything or just want to talk. Love, Robin, Sam & the Kitty-Clan
Many, many purrs to you, and to Thomas and Bella too, who I’m sure are feeling Siouxsie’s absense, especially Thomas. Losing such a longtime, special family member is so achingly difficult. Just know that from the start, it’s clear you took amazing care of Siouxsie (and Sinead too) and she had the best human a cat could ever hope for.
Many hugs. Give yourself time to grieve. There is so much pain to saying the physical, “Goodbye”, even though we know we are doing right by our feline friends. It’s been nearly 10 years since I helped the first of my pride across the bridge. Some days, I swear, I hear him coming up from the basement. Siouxsie will be with you forever.
One of the things I love about this post is how you talk about filters, and how Siouxsie so wisely gave you a sign when your filters were down. I have had this experience as well. She is a beautiful kitty. Namaste to you, Cat
i should have needed your tissue warning. She had such a good life. You did a very difficult thing but you listened. So important. I feel for you and am so very sorry for the empty space I your heart……but you have had great love….how beautiful….
Know you gave her the best and last gift you could give her…
What a long, happy life she lived with you. So many wonderful memories. But we know the sadness of having to say farewell.
YOU are so brave. And so wise. And so connected. The fact that Siouxsie knew to give you a sign and you knew what she meant is huge. The hole in your heart will heal eventually and of course Thomas and Bella will help. Tender hugs to them AND to you. Know that we are all thinking of you and feeling the loss of our dear, well-loved Siouxsie.
What a beautiful farewell to a beautiful cat and honored friend. We are so sorry for your loss. Namaste.
My calico, Stella, and I are so sorry to hear of your loss. What a beautiful cat Siouxsie was and a loving purrson you are. We are sure she will be deeply missed. She flies with angels now. You did good by her. Peace and love be with you until you meet her again.
A beautiful tribute fitting of the Top Cat and Queen Of All Western Cats. My sincerest condolences.
What a lovely tribute to a wonderful cat!
I am crying as I type…I am so very sorry for your loss….such a beautiful girl that knew so much love and gave just as much…I know how hard it was for you, but you showed your tremendous love for Siouxsie by honoring her wish…she is running and playing now at the Bridge and will always be watching over you and her Furblings…RIP Siouxsie xoxox
My heart is breaking for you. Losing a cat is always hard, but losing a soul cat like Siouxsie is devastating. I hope in time, memories of your years together will replace the awful pain of missing her. You’re in my thoughts.
So sorry for your loss and thanks to Siouxsie for all the wit and wisdom she shared. We will miss her.
Words are inadequate at a time like this, but I extend my deepest sympathies to you and Thomas and Bella for the passing of Siouxie. I cry for your loss. I too have lost members of my furry family in the past and no matter if it is a case of the bet, the kindest thing you can do for them, I grieved, and I grieve with you. She will be very much missed.
Sending many headbonks and whisker kisses to help soothe your pain.
I am so sorry for the loss. God has a new Angel now.
So sorry to here about Siouxie. I will miss her entertaining advice with friends. I, too, love black cats and have a
panther (he thinks he’s a panther) named Sid (Sid Vicious). Everyone loves him. I work with a cat colony and a
few months ago had to put a small black cat named Feisty (she was about 13 years old) to sleep. I stayed with her till
the end and our main feeder and caregiver buried her in a beautiful yard. I’m sure Feisty and Siouxie’s beautiful spirits
live on until that wonderful moment when we see them again.
*Tashi deledk * gate gate parasamgate * -. our hearts are with you on a new star in skies of black cat heaven.
JaneA, I am so sorry for your loss. Our hearts are broken along with yours. Sending you our love and hugs through tears.
We just lost our beautiful black boy, Stinky, last week so I certainly feel your pain and cry and I am writing this. He was the most loving, sweet baby I have every had and I miss him so terribly so I know how you feel. Even tho we have 2 more here, its not quite the same – I’ve lost my shadow and my heart is broken and will never be the same. May peace come to you and your other kitties too.
Firstly, I am truly sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the grief you are going through.
I read your post while sitting in the vet’s waiting room while my beautiful Ambra is with a team of doctors in preparation for 3 days of prep and tests to determine whether she has intestinal cancer. You are living what I have been dreading.
My heart is broken for your loss and for what is to come.
Take care.
My most compassionate wishes to you-( n’ your kitties!), at this time! I wish there was something else to say or add-but as previous posters pretty much covere it all-OUR WELL-WISHES TO YOU! In the last few years I’ve lost all my immediate family-my Father and Brother 3 days apart…so, any losss is not easy. But I feel you DID DO the right thing, alleviating the pain she was in!! I face that decision soon with one of my four rescue kits! …but I am doing all I can to give her ‘quality of life’! I’m getting offf topic…so know…Our prayers and wishes are with Sioxsie, now she has Rest and Peace! As well as you, Bella and Thomas too! Also know…I THANK YOU for your wonderul efforts w Paws and Effect! It has become a valuable guide for helping me and my gang through the tribulations!
Additionally know, I now seek to get my Vet a Compassionate’ program going.
I am so sorry for your loss. Letting go and doing what is right for our fur and feathered family members is our final act of love for them. It is so very hard though. Thank you for sharing her stories with us and for so many helpful articles. Our friends certainly do bring us much comfort in our times of need. Take care and I wish you peace.
This is a sad event for all of us who have known her through your blogs., Sweet Siouxie, we will miss you and someday will be happy to meet you in person, When you get to the Rainbow Bridge, please find Kellso, MAC, ChloeMarie, Skooter and McCartney who are waiting for me. They will be fun to play with, I promise, well except for ChloeMarie, she may be a bit difficult, but she will come around eventually. And Mama, I know your heart is broken, but try to remember the best of her. You have my sympathy. Big hugs.
Saying goodbye to a beloved pet is one of the most heart wrenching experiences we ever go through. Siouxie could not have asked for a better mom, and she will live in your heart forever.
I am so sorry for your loss, and I truly feel your pain. Kathy
God bless you for your efforts to make her life so wonderful ! May she rest in peace in heaven. And may you get peace during your grieving time. Thomas and Bella will certainly miss Siouxsie as well – she was after all the head of the clouder. I cried a lot when reading your tribute to the queen, why is it so sad when we have to give away such a great companion ?
i am so sorry to hear about Siouxie. I love reading your blogs and Siouxie ‘s comments. She is going to be missed by so many. Hugs to you and to Thomas and Bella, too!! I know they will miss their sister.
So sorry for Siouxsies passing. Will burn an incense stick tonight in honor of her life. All my love to Thomas,Bella and you too.
I am so sorry for you, Thomas and Bella’s loss. Barley, Shadow Bean and Scooby send purrs and love, and I send hugs and prayers. I know that we will all meet again at the Rainbow Bridge. Thank you for all the good that you and all the furbies have done to help us!
I’m very sorry for your loss. Your story is much like my own with a wonderful Tortie named Mace. She stayed with me nearly 20 years. ..and when she could go no longer, she stood on my chest as if to say ” mom, please.”
Breaking our own hearts to end their suffering is sadly the trade off for their loyalty and love over the years. But I will gladly do it again.
Peace and comfort to you.
So sorry for your loss…they are our family and you were a wonderful “parent!” If you didn’t follow Isis and Joan on fb you might like to read about their journey. If you choose to visit their page, I bet you’ll agree that Joan was at the Rainbow Bridge to meet Siouxsie. It is the opposite of your loss but it has a very happy ending for Isis which is all Joan lived and hoped for . Know that you’re in our thoughts and prayers.
No matter how many times we go through this process, it hurts like hell. Siouxie will always be in your heart.
Blessings to you and Siouxsie Mew. I know your pain and loss is immense, and can only be healed with time and memories of your beloved familiar. Be as gentle and patient with yourself as you can be, and let your other companions comfort you, for they miss her too.
I am so, so sorry, for your loss. You have provided me so much insight in my first 2 years of cat parenthood, and I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. My rescue shelter does a special donation drive for black cats in the month of October, and I’ll be sure to participate this year on Siouxie’s behalf . Thinking about you and your other kitties during this difficult time.
So sorry for your loss. I have been through this many times and it never gets easier. We love our fur babies so much. I have a aging cat, also. I can tell he is slowing down. Sympathy purrs to you and Thomas and Bella.
I am so very sorry Janea, but how strong and kind of you to listen to Siouxie and put her wishes and dignity ahead of your own pain at the thought of letting her go. My heart is with you…
i am *very* sorry for your loss … i have tears running down my cheeks. in time, the memories of your 18+ year relationship will outshine the shadow of your grief.
until then, be well.
hal
I want to say that I am so sorry for your lost of your beloved Siouxie Mew. I lost my beloved Mittens by having her put to sleep I had her for 12 wonderful years She had something medically wrong with her and I had to put her down. That’s when Oreo Tumbleweeds came into my life that same year 4 years ago. Give Thomas and Bella a hug from us . Purrs to you Lynda and Oreo
Today is my first time here on your site, but I still felt very sad as I read this. I have loved all animals, all of my life, but cats have always held a special place in my heart. I am so very sorry for your loss. It just breaks my heart, and I admit, I cried as I read your story. My children and I have been collecting donations for our local no-kill shelter for their annual garage sale event, and also making some handmade jewelry for them to sell. We will make a special piece in honor of your dear departed friend. Please know, our hearts are with you, and our 3 kitties send you love and purrs.
Thank you first of all for sharing your love with your kitties and passing your experiences and knowledge on to all of us. Today is my first time visiting, and its been several hours of reading and learning. My furry ball of love has an unknown ailment causing massive swelling to occassionally ‘fill’ her right arm with blood. Shes been biopsied, then declawed as i was led to believe it would help. More tests and one more biopsy with 0 answers. Amputation was discussed but for her first 10 years of life it was only a inconvenience as she walked on it normally even choosing to jump and play like all the wild ones. Over time her weight increased as her activity levels decreased due to aggravation of the afflicted paw. She routinely sees the vet and is a loving social friendly critter who loved our labrador retreiver and would socialize with the upstairs cats. Then one of the two kitties became ill and in a matter of one week had lost noticeable weight and had jaundice. He was unfortunately beyond help and was made comfortable for his last two days before he decided to say his goodbyes…(i totally understand the mental connection you shared with Siouxsie.You could feel him say goodbye in his last loving gestures of kisses and cuddles, after which he snuggled into sisters arms and wouldnt move.at this point we let him rest with the vets help)my sister was devasted by the loss of ‘her’ feline friend Gizmo. Gizmos sister Belle the other upstairs kitty still walks around looking for him. She clung to the dog and my dad for support. But then Max the dog had a respitory illness develope and hip problems that made it so he could barely walk or move without assistance. He didnt mind infact he seemed to take great pleasure in having his own chaufuer and load bearing buddy(me) help him up and down two steps to his yard. He even let my gimpy girl Peaches clean his back and give massages as she would nead into his fur. He even seemed to bounce back with some joint and arthritis treats. But he lost control of his bladder and bowels, and could only stand unassisted for 5-10 minutes before he’d get out of breath and start shaking.always happy. Right until his last day he still had his puppy twinkle in his eyes and would make head jestures and try to jump and play(even when i was the one providing lift) then one day i was jolted awake in the middle of the night. In tears. I immediately went up to max as i could hear him trying to stand up, which he hadnt tried without help in 2 weeks. As soon as i got upstairs he started thumping his tail and smiled. But his eyes were saying goodbye. He was crawling towards me as i embraced him. He couldnt get enough face hugs and kisses in. Even presenting his belly under clear effort to do so. I held him and hugged him for a good couple hours. We shared wimpers and groans and huffs and i shared some memories with him. It was hard not to cry the whole time. My tears upset him so i laughed it out a few times before telling him how much he meant to me. And how many times he helped me and comforted my nerves. My best friend. My brother from different kind of mother. I told him it that i couldnt ask any more of him, and that I understand hes tired of the struggle. If he was ready to go home and rest without pain that he had earned it. I dont know if i was understanding him at that moment or he understanding me but there was definately a connection. I whispered one final I love you buddy in his ear and asked if he was ready. His tail wagged some more and he let out a deep sigh.At this point i went and made a few calls to family/friends. It hadnt even been an hour. Arrangements were made and at this point i realized my house was the quietest it had been in memory. My buddy mustve shared his last breaths with me. He did it on his terms. But even after that emotional goodbye i couldnt help but feel bad for leaving his side to call the vet and family home to say goodbye. If i hadve just stayed there to make the call he couldve atleast not been alone. My only solice was his body language. His paws fully relaxed and face was in an expression of happy. Not pain. Eyes open. When i had asked if he was ready, that deep sigh im positive was his last breath. I let the upstairs cat say goodbye as she had come over to inspect a leaking human. But in my grief i never let his best cat friend Peaches, my baby from downstairs apartment come up and say goodbye. Instead i felt compelled to take him to the emergency vet as planned. Nothing in my life of animal friends has hurt as bad as this day. I felt so selfish for some reason. Like i couldve done more. Like i shouldve taken him for the big sleep the day before. Even worse i get to the evac vet office and a friggen team of nurses/vets rushed out with a stretcher. God bless them it was like a scene from MASH. As soon as they saw the wreck i was they asked if he had expired in the car or at home. They still helped me get him on the stretcher and even though he was long gone they still were so gentle with him. Petting him and using his name comforting him exactly the same as if he was standing there excited and greeting them. Their compassion really helped. It felt like i was the one being hugged and kissed by the vet. At this point my sobs and whimpers and tears could no longer be contained. Its also the exact moment in my head I saw my Peaches giving him snuggles and kisses in my basement like she had for hours so many times. Like the two of them reached into my soul one from heaven one from home. Briefly a smile amidst my sobs. Followed by a few desperate pleas with the universe to welcome my pooch to the pain free beyond, and to give my kitty Peaches all the help she could get with her health. I also briefly begged for my puppy back.
When i got home Belle was at the front door looking for the big guy. When the door closed with no Max besides me she seemed to understand. She let out a few weak gravely mews with more mouth movement then noise(significant as shes VERY vocal and talkative holding better conversation then most people) and went a laid in the dogs bed in the praying position with head face down on front paws just sniffing the bed in a slow methodic fashion. Like she was accepting the news much better then i was. She had closure. There wasn’t a desperate search or those lonesome calls like when her brother Gizmo left for his long kiss goodbye. Until today i hadnt really thought about weather animals have enough complex emotional depth to understand closure and passing on. But clearly i witnessed it first hand.
confirmation was going downstairs to Peaches for the first time. She was sulking and didnt greet me at the top of the stairs by the door like she normally would. She was the farthest from the door she could physically be while still being in the same room. And no effort to come see and greet. Its been so rough on her. She refused to be near me for several days, which honestly was pretty devastating and i took it pretty personally. She even got grumpy and edgey. Knocking stuff off tables. Took a dump on the floor at the base of the stairs to my basement, strategically timed and placed(it felt) for me. It was as warm youd expect it to be if you caught it straight from the source. I cussed but was too upset to be angry. So naturally i asked her in my gentle and affectionate voice if she was ok and as i reached to pet her on back of couch, she stands up, turns around tail between legs and belts out the nastiest hairball ive seen or stepped in in months…directly on my fluffy bath robe which i roll into a bed on my personal pillow for her when im at work or out. I felt so bad for her. She was clearly as upset as the rest of us. I think deep inside she was acting out in spite of me taking her buddy away. After about a week of rambo knocking shit around and leaving another couple hairballs on the couch and bed(her normal wretching zone is behind the couch between stairs and bathroom first time ever on ‘my’ bedding zones) she slowly warmed back up. Unfortunately as her moods bounced back up her health has been doing the opposite. After the loss of Gizmo with no goodbye 2 years ago she no longer plays nice with the other cat Belle, nor has she wanted anything to do with anything four legged, fury or not me. Then 7 months ago Max disappears after going silent(she definately heard his final moments directly above her) and after the rebellious poop and hairball i kinda hoped we were due for a couple ups after hitting what felt like the bottom. But then she lost another friend. This one human. I suppose it was my loss too, but my now EX fiancee of a nearly 10 year relationship decided to inform me the day before christmas that she was leaving me for the something better she found while I was pre-occupied with my animal drama and work drama and sister getting married and moving to the states. And yet i feel ive gotten off easy as my health physically has been good. Peaches not so much. All downhill for her since. The right front paw with the unknown ailment that had two or three flareups a year on average became the point of her frusteration. She has been licking it to the point that it has become raw skin. The swelling has been pretty much a constant and shes taken to aggressively biting it during licking sessions drawing blood on a weekly basis. The protocol has been to apply pressure wrap from the elbow down to her finger drawing out as much of the pressure as she comfortable taking. In the past this has been harder on me then her. The pressure release would be healthy coloured blood no clear fluids or puss or signs of infection. Generally 1 out of the 3 annual episodes involved this blood letting, followed by a 7 day cycle of antibiotics and limited range allowing her a period of lower activitey and blocked high risk ‘jumping platforms’ to reduce impact. Then after 1-2 days wrapped with 3-4 clean applications of pressure wrap applied toe to elbow shed generally return to normal. Except thats no longer the case. Since new years shes gone from slightly depressed but reasonably healthy to clearly stressed out and lethargic. Her fur has changed from velvety silk fluff to matted and bristly. Her eyes arent full of zest and spunk. Her playful and affectionate manerisms waining in favour of a sulky and sucky grey cloud. Her litter routine has gotten lazy and no longer buries anything. If im not watching/listening/smelling while she slinks in the bathroom and poops she will walk right through it on her next visit. Im careful not to interupt and barge in to cover it and scoop it up but I gently say ‘good kitty. Cover your poop’. And generally she will walk out. Then follow me in while i visibly cover it to cool down. Im probably supporting the lazyness but my logic says id rather have a lazy cat watch me finish her work then a kitty with poop paws. Especially as her paw is a succeptable point of infection. She has also started having tummy problems, first it was a couple extra ripe poops, then diahrea twice now followed by the worst drooling ive ever seen for 2 full days now. Started with just a slow dribble, barely wetter then normal but noticeably outside the lips. Now shes leaving big wet spots and flinging beads of saliva around. Followed by a compulsive licking of air and darting eyes with a dazed expression. As ive been writing this with the the articles youve shared fresh on my brain Ive been trying to stay positive and hopeful. But unless there is some improvement in her general condition I feel she may be joining her friends soon. But the bond thats shared, the mutual understanding of each other, the subtle behaviours and quirks all build up to some form of communication thats beyond just words and sounds. Shes giving up. All the love in the world just sometimes isnt enough. I havent given up on her. Ive seen the effects of giving up, and the healing powers of hope and positive energy. Ive exhausted all means of help; medically, spiritually and financially. Im reaching the point where every minute is spent researching every possible aid i can give. The vet hasnt had answers, other then we can keep her comfortable. Blood tests biopsies medical imaging medications. More money then ‘any sane person would spend’ according to most. But that was never a factor. Her well being is number 1. And due to financial hardship in the last few innings Ive missed the chance of a feasable amputation and recovery before her health degerates beyond safe operable condition. Im pretty sure she’s having mini seizures. Right now. In her sleep. Twitching and wimpering for less then 2 seconds. Goes limpish while breathing rapidy and then shakes head waking up. Followed by disorientation. And kisses. Back to sleep. Thats new. Gotta go. Vet.
Thank you reading.thank you for sharing. You are a feline super human hero. Wish Peaches luck. Hopefully im over reacting to a kitty dream. I have read her all the articles and her and I both were in tears of both joy and mourning for you and yours, present past and beyond. I wish you all the best in health for human and cat alike.