Dear Most Esteemed and Knowledgeable Kitties:
A year ago, I rescued a 3-week-old kitten from a very busy store parking lot and we grew very close to each other. She ended up pregnant at 10 months old, though I did not know it until her stomach grew large. The morning she gave birth, I was with her but didn’t interfere unless she was in crisis, which thankfully never happened. When I would take care of her and the kittens, she’d reach up and gently stroke my cheek with her paw and give me a kiss on the mouth once. I think this is the way she tells me “I love you” or “thank you,” but I am not certain. I just enjoy it. We have had her fixed, as we will her kittens, but occasionally she still gives me the stroke and kiss. I would like to know what it means.
~ Bella Mia
Siouxsie: That certainly sounds like a gesture of affection to me.
Thomas: As long as it’s combined with other body language that indicates friendly intentions rather than distancing behavior, it sounds like “I love you” or “thank you” to me, too.
Bella: Thomas kisses Mama when she pets him, so he knows what he’s talking about.
Siouxsie: Hey, I kiss Mama and give her head-rubs when she holds me close, too.
Bella: I’m more of a purrs and head-rubs gal myself. I save my licking and grooming for Thomas. Oh, my sweet Thomas, my loving gentleman partner and snuggle buddy ….
Siouxsie: Oh, for Bast’s sake, quit your swooning, Bella. We’ve got work to do!
Thomas: Siouxsie, that’s not nice. Come here, little sweet girl, I’ll protect you from that mean old Siouxsie.
Siouxsie: Mean? I’m not mean! You know what’s mean? When that little brat chases me all around the house even though she knows I’m sore and achy and I just want to take a nap or eat in peace.
Bella: I’m sorry, Siouxsie, I just can’t help it. I’m really trying not to chase you so much.
Siouxsie: I know you are, sweetheart, and I’m trying not to be so grumpy with you, too. But it’s hard not to be grumpy when I’m hurting.
Thomas: Oh, Siouxsie, I’d be happy to snuggle you, too.
Siouxsie: Anyway, Bella Mia, back to your question. We’d definitely say that what you’re seeing is a friendly gesture, as long as it’s accompanied by other relaxed body language.
Thomas: Are her ears forward when she does this, and do her eyes look relaxed? Is the paw gesture more of a push or a stroke.
Bella: If she’s pushing you with her paw, she’s asking you to back off, especially if that push is accompanied by narrowed eyes and ears slightly back.
Siouxsie: But again, the way you describe your kitty’s behavior sounds like distance-reducing behavior, not distance-increasing behavior. And it’s super sweet that she still reaches out to stroke your cheek and kiss you!
Thomas: We’re also glad to hear that you had mom-cat spayed after she’d weaned her kittens and that you plan of spaying and neutering her litter, too. Every single cat we have spayed or neutered helps to control cat population and reduce the number of cats surrendered to shelters.
Bella: And that reduces the number of cats that are put to death solely because there’s no room for them at the shelter and nobody came to adopt them after a certain amount of time.
Siouxsie: Thank you, Bella Mia, and thank you to all you responsible kitty caretakers for making sure your feline family members are spayed or neutered.
Thomas: How about you readers? Do you agree with us that Bella Mia’s cat is saying “I love you” with her cheek stroking, or do you think we’re way off target here? Do you have a cat that strokes your cheek or kisses you to indicate affection?
Bella: Please share your cute stories in the comments.
JaneA Kelley is a punk rock cat mom and award-winning blogger. She is a regular columnist for Catster Magazine, and she and the Paws and Effect Gang share a home in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.
Sounds affectionate indeed! Gizmo prefers to lick my mouth and nostrils (!)
I think it’s affection too! Cats show trust and affection in different ways.
Years and years ago, I had a sweet calico who decided I was her human. When she got pregnant, I made a place for her to nest in.
She went into labor at night while I was at work. But she waited until I walked in the door. She gave birth to three babies and I thought that was it. So my husband and I went out to breakfast. When we got back home 2 hours later, she gave birth to 2 more!
That was her way of telling us she trusted us and loved us.
There are 4 felines in our family. Each one has a relationship with each human in our family. I find it interesting how each one will express affection in their own way. Even when they employ the same method, ie. kneading, they do it in their own special way. My advice to people who want to understand their cat is simple. First, get to know your cat in as calm and relaxing environment as possible. Second, don’t crowd your kitty. While each kitty in our family is very different, each one will approach different human family members for different things and in different ways. Most importantly, listen and pay attention to the signals your cat sends you. I’ve never met a cat who “attacks out of nowhere” or who will bite and/or scratch “without warning”. If you pay attention you’ll realize that your furry family members give at least as much warning as the bald ones. You just have to pay attention and learn a little of their language.
Oh, and to Bella Mia, your kitty’s gestures sound like expressions of thanks and love to me. Learning about cat behavior is really important but so is listening with your heart and I think your heart understands exactly what your cat is saying. Blessings.
I have a sweet little tabby cat named Tabitha. I know, the name is not very original haha. She was a stray that I couldn’t say no to. There was certainly something about her. We’ve had her for about 10 years now and I’m so glad we kept her. Cats are complicated, unless you know how to read yours. I say yours because they are like children, no 2 are alike. It took me a bit to learn to read ours, but for the most part, I would say I know how to now. I do believe and agree with you about the cheek stroking. I definitely take this as a sign of affection and love when my cat does it. I say this because she does not try to cause any harm while she does it. She retracts her claws and gazes in my eyes with content. I have seen the difference between her being content and discontent over the years. The cheek stroke does not chime in as a discontent expression.
It sounds like she’s also saying “Thank you for taking such good care of me, Mom.”
I know when a dog licks your lips, it mean “throw up that sandwich and give me a bite”, and I am fairly certain it does not mean the same in cats. Cats groom each other as a way to show affection and it’s very calming for the groomed, so thinking that a lick on the face would be a similar gesture of kindness.
It might mine a lot of things, but you can find some helpful information about this on onestoppet.net
I know I did.